It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
