so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
