Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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