My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
