Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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