he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
