The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
