i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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