I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
someone owes me an orgasm
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
