"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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