HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize