It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
