hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
