They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize