just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
