i don't like sucking hair
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
