omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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