I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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