It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
