Buhtt sex?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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