I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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