At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
