I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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