also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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