We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
