are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize