in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
