Your face is a jimmy john
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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