someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize