Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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