Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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