There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
