Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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