she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
