My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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