So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
