He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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