if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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