but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
