I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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