And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
