I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
