just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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