You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
