I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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