Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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