Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
