Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
