i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
