That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
