Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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