I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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