still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
