Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Found the puke drawer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
