my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize