He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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