Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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