Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
