I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
