i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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