I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i think im in europe. pls send help
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