Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh god it's open bar.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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