He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize