We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
