I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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