Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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